Starting the liquid diet...

We're 5 minutes into Christmas "Break". Literally, we've been home from school for FIVE minutes and it's begun. Mom we're bored, mom what can we eat?, oh now there are high pitched screams.... heaven help me. "Mom, Mom, Mom, Moooooooooom"... direct quote from my screaming 7 year old.
Christy tells me she's looking for a recipe for homemade irish cream. Bring it on, sister!
So, I survived making my rounds at three elementary school christmas parties. Kindergarteners are loud, second graders are goofy, and fifth graders are just rude. I gave each of the kids teachers a bottle of wine. Turns out, that was exactly what they wanted. I'm the star pupil now. My kids were surely have straight A's this semester. Never again will I give another teacher a gift card. They're so gift cardy, you know?
Oh, lord. The screams are increasing here in the land of Christmas Break. I can't even think right now. I'm done already. I'm starting the liquid diet.

A few words on Tiger (who should change his name to Chee-tah)

As many of you know Tiger Woods is a hot topic for the media this week (CHRISTY: despite the fact that there was a Presidential address on future direction on the Afghanistan conflict, including sending still more troops, but I digress…). The incident has also made for some interesting discussion on my Facebook page. More and more "women" (I put that in quotes, because I hardly think they deserve the title [I personally do not want to be categorized with people who cheerfully profit of the misery of others]) are surfacing with their “Tales of the Tiger.” The degree of cheating varies, but in my book (and I think in most wives books) cheating is cheating.

That said, I do like the way that Elin handled the situation. Had the situation been reversed, you know Tiger would be behind bars but hey, that's not the point (CHRISTY: sex-specific double standards are always a point, but again, I digress…). I'm certain that Elin knew that something was going on before he told her. Women have this amazing thing called Women's Instinct and it rarely lets us down. It was the confirmation of that instinct that got her. She should have used a driver instead of an iron, and then she should have chased down that little &$(#& and let her (or them) have it, too (CHRISTY: he made the commitment IMO, although the little tramp is profiting off her pain, so maybe there is something to a double homicide…).

The most disappointing part of this is that Tiger is a self proclaimed man of faith and integrity. He chose to put that out there and to be a role model for our youth. I managed to turn this into a lesson for my hormonal, preteen son. This morning, while I sat watching the news, he noticed all the talk about Tiger and asked what was going on. I had to break the news to him that Tiger is human (Cheating is not human, it's F-ed up, and only acceptable for animals), and a jackass. I gave him a brief lesson on respect for women (FYI kiddo, trampy girlfriend from previous post has not reached woman status, yet [CHRISTY: sounds like that won’t happen if you have anything to say about it, Lisa!]), loyalty, and the meaning value of a marriage (CHRISTY: and commitment – you make a promise and you keep it. Period). I really don't know if he understood, but it was my way of turning a bad situation into a less bad situation, as well as helping mold my boy into a (better) man (a way better man than YOU, Chee-tah!)

I'm too young for this

It's no secret that I started my family young. I got lucky and didn't fall into the typical "young mom" stereotype. It doesn't work out this well for everyone. This is probably why I'm so worried about my kids making the same decisions that I made. Now my oldest son (we'll just call him #1, so he can't say that I'm talking about him)is having girl problems. Girl problems, in FIFTH GRADE! I think back to when I was that age. Sure, maybe there were some little crushes. Girls would chase boys, but you had no clue what you'd actually do if you were unfortunate enough to catch them. That's not the way things are now. #1 has a girlfriend. It started out cute. He came home and told me he had a girlfriend. I've met this girl, and I thought she was sweet. When I asked #1 what having a girlfriend in 5th grade meant, he said "I don't know, mom, nothing really" I was content with that. They can't date. They only place they ever see eachother is at school. It's gotta be pretty innocent, right? I should consider myself lucky that #1 doesn't hide anything from me. "Girlfriend" likes to send him love notes. These are not the love notes that I remember. The ones I remember went something like this: "Do you like me? Circle yes or no." Nope, they're not like that anymore. A series of notes that I read yesterday went something like this:

Note 1:
"Dear #1, why won't you tell me that you love me? I've told you that I love you and I think it's only fair"
I'd like to say to her: "Girlfriend, you're 10. You don't even know what love is, and neither does #1. #1 loves his mother, soccer, cartoons, and video games. Not you."
Note 2: "Dear #1: When are you going to kiss me?"
I'd like to say to her: "NEVER. That's when he's going to kiss you. Don't you know that boys have koodies when you're 10? They do."
Note 3: "Dear #1 I want you to FRENCH KISS me, but I think you're too shy."
I'd like to say to her: "HELLO!?! Do you even know that that means? Unfortunately, yes, you probably do. Which makes this whole thing even more disturbing. Stay away from my baby. And yes he's too shy, but he's also smart."
Note 4: "Dear #1. Your friend told me I should break up with you. What should I do? Should I break up with you?"
I'd like to say to her: "No, you should not break up with my son! That's his job. We've given him the talk about self respect and not wasting his time on nasty girls. Don't you dare break my son's heart. He'll be the one to break up with you, you little $*%($#"

I'm just too young to have a son with girl problems. I know this is only the begining. I miss the days when our biggest problems were potty training, picking preschools, and teaching him to share. Parenting doesn't get easier as the kids get older, it just gets different and WAY more complicated.